What’s Happening In My World

This past weekend has been a downhill battle. I am just here to write out my feelings because sometimes you feel like you have no one else to talk to but your laptop.

This past weekend was the anniversary for a tornado I was in two years ago. It was a time in my life where my entire family was at a low. My Nana and I had to stay in hotels over the entire summer and money was running low soon enough. My car was destroyed by a tree. There was so much damage to the house we couldn’t stand living there. The roof on my Nana’s home was torn off and created water damage to the ceiling after a second strong storm came later in the summer. Family turned on family. It created an anger in my heart that I could never forgive. I will always give when I have it.

It is a time I remember so vividly because it was also the same day as my Bama Bound. Bama Bound is the freshman/transfer orientation at the University of Alabama. Both of my parents came to support me. The result of both of them being there just made the experience 10x better. I was ready to come to school and excited for a new beginning with my parent’s support.

Recently, I found out I may not be able to come back to school. My parents financially can’t support my education at the University of Alabama.

As many know, the University of Alabama became my home away from home. Joining Sigma Kappa at the university also changed my experience for the better. I have yet to let any of my sisters know my situation but I’m sure some will read this and hopefully they understand. It is going to be the hardest decision of my life so far if I have to leave a place I call home.

I am also single. Recently, I decided to rekindle a past “relationship”. I put my all into this person in hopes it would be different. It was different. It felt different but we weren’t different. We were the same people we were before. I realized I am not who he wants me to be right now and forcing myself to be someone I wasn’t isn’t going to help me. The woman I want to be may be the same woman he wants me to be but I’m not moving at the same pace. To him, I will always care for you and hope you realize the worth of the friendship we have.

I’ve been trying to fill a void in my heart from a recent break up. Even though I am completely over him, there is still an emptiness there. Spending a lot of time with someone and then they aren’t there you feel just empty.

As for work, DSW will have to stop. My DSW family has been supportive of me and I appreciate them with all my heart. Thank you for being understanding through all of this.

Thank you for my friends for always keeping my mind off of the hard things. Thank you to my dad for spending these few days in Birmingham with me. Mom, I hope this explains how I feel. I apologize to the friends that have been trying to be there for me and I have pushed them away. I just felt like I fell into a hole emotionally and I don’t really want to come out of it yet. I needed this to tell me I can always be higher than what I’m feeling right now.

I plan on asking for help when I need it but I really just need this time to myself. If you plan on checking on me after reading this, just please limit it to a text.

I hope everyone who reads, understands at least somewhat of where I am at and where I’m going.

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